Let The Learning Commence

Ok, ok, hear me out... I know that I have jumped career and industries probably a million times already (see my LinkedIn if you don't believe me) but this time I actually think it might be different. 

Last year I joined my current company, managing membership and comms within the professional bodies sector - I love the stuff I get to do; chatting to people, marketing, graphic design, scheduling posts and all that sort of stuff - LOVE IT. 
Something is missing though, and I think I might have stumbled onto what that is from my health journey.

I realise now how deeply unhappy I was; more so that I thought I was, and I knew I was pretty down. I realise how hard life was being 'bigger'.

Now, what I mean by that is this: had you asked me back in November 2022 if I thought I struggled because of my weight, I would have hands down said 'no', and I would have been telling the truth, I would have meant it. 

The thing is, I put my weight on gradually, over time, and in general, I was relatively fit (relative to my size at that time). I didn't get out of breath going up the stairs or walking the dog. I had a horse that I mucked out every day and he was a giant so marched around and I only have short legs. I truly thought I didn't struggle at all. 

How wrong was I. 

Now, looking back, I know that the reality I was living in was harder.

Everything was harder. Life, was harder. 

I can run up the stairs now - wouldn't have ever thought about doing that before. I can run for a train whereas before I would let it pass and get on the next one. A strategy, I suppose, I unconsciously instilled to protect myself from the perceived humiliation of being out of breath, sweaty, and the sinking feeling that no one would want me, a big fat mess, to sit next to them. The fact that people treat me better now I am slimmer is an eyeopener and I'll definitely blog about that sometime soon... Anyway, that horrible imaginary situation is assuming that I did actually manage to run, and not only run but actually managed to make it to the train doors before they shut and it departed (unlikely, very) - I guess it is something I will never know because I never let myself try.

Smaller things, like playing with my dogs on the floor or giving them a brush - I can get up now without rolling around like a walrus. Here is a little fact for you: my partner actually nicknamed me 'baby elephant' because of how I would move when I would roll over in bed... This wasn't to be mean, and to be honest I am still not the most elegant of rollers! But, maybe that gives you an idea as to the struggles that I realise now when I look back, I did have. 

Lots of these strange barriers, battles or lines that I wouldn't, couldn't or didn't know how to cross, well the truth was that I didn't even know they existed. 

As a bigger person, I struggled. I might not have ever been out of breath but I was not fit. I might have been able to shovel copious amounts of manure and not break a sweat, but I was not fit. 

So, what? Yes I know, get to the point Rhi - reading this back I am telling myself that too, honestly!

The truth is that I find everything now so much easier.

Getting in and out of the shower requires no thought process; no nervous assessment of where the best place is to place my hand to balance myself as I heave over the edge of the bath trying not to knock over the vast array of shower gels and shampoos with my giant backside.

My giant backside that I would tell people was from my 'south African heritage' because my mothers side hails from there... It wasn't, I'm white British but it gave me a (tenuous) reason and a way to justify my challenges. Yes! You see! Challenges... because I did indeed have them, but my truth was that they were somehow... justified.

Crikey this one is turning out longer than I expected. I could write like this for hours and hours. I truly enjoy it. For now though, and back to the title of the post and the reason for sharing...

I made improvements that I desperately needed and have dramatically changed my life for the better. Through doing this, I have realised that I want to help people like me, who might be in similar situations to change their 'final destination' - I'm calling it, that rather morbidly, because my body was working harder than it should have been and there are plenty of real scientific reports, studies and articles that explain how excess weight lowers life expectancy.

So, to cut to the chase, I have enrolled on a Level Two Gym Instructors course - it is in-person and I am going to be doing this an evening a week for 18 weeks I believe. I have also found another Level Two course in nutrition, this one is online that I will also be completing over the next few months. 

I'm trying to set myself up for the next chapter of my journey. Don't worry, I am still going to continue to build good habits and develop my body (lose skin, I am coming for you!) and also take some qualifications in order to educate myself better so that I can support and help others.

That thing I mentioned that was missing from my job? I think it is this - helping people. 

I want to help people who are like me back at the beginning, in November 2022.

I did it, and so can you.

Whether you need help or not, you can definitely do it, I just would love to be a resource, available to anyone who might need a helping hand. 

Gosh, I have so many ideas for blogs too... I wish I could type them all at the same time because there is so much in my head I want to get out there!

Being the Active Autist is the first step for me to do this and get these things out and into the real world.

Check back in shortly for more. About to go and have pizza for tea, because the methods and pathways I have taken on my journey allow me to still enjoy food and not feel as though I have sinned. Another post idea right there.

​Chat soon!