What Happened To The Beat?

Something that I have a proper love hate relationship with is music.

I mean, music has framed many significant moments in my life, there is no denying that whatsoever. However, right now? Na I’m ok.

This is definitely linked to my mental state. Currently, my ADHD is unmedicated and I’m pretty sure that’s why I’m struggling to enjoy music.

Music is sounding… jarring.

The beat sounds wrong, the speed seems off. It’s like my brain is just too busy to find that rhythm right now.

I end up getting frustrated, or skip through what feels like a million songs or jump through Spotify playlists like there is no tomorrow.

Right now, I’m choosing no music. Please and thank you!

That being said, silence is also not my friend at the moment. Audiobooks are too slow or I end up focussing on way things are said, rather than the actual words. My mind will drift off and then all of a sudden I have zero idea what is going on.

Audiobooks are a no from me.

I’m also hot and cold on podcasts, although they are currently the flavour of the week. Week rather than month because I’m sure I’ll have a reason to move on from podcasts shortly.

One of the main things I’ve been able to do which helps my brain is speed them up, so I listen to them on either 1.25 or 1.5x speed.

I miss music though. The nostalgia that comes from hearing tracks from my teenage years especially and the reminiscing that comes with that.

Fingers crossed once I’ve got my meds sorted I’ll be able to find that joy again… Over the last month I’ve been going to the gym so it’s been quite a change of pace with my listening choices! Although not all bad actually, improving every time.

There are definitely worse problems to have, but right now this is what I’m stuck thinking about.

My brain is hot and cold with me sometimes too. Or I am with it. I prefer it medicated but I’m trying so hard not to hate it right now.

Writing these things, the inner working of my mind, like this, is definitely helping me to process things, and try to understand why I think the way I think.

Embracing my weird mind is a challenge every day but I think I can handle it.

Actually, no. I can definitely handle it.